Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
