I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Barsexuality is the new black.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
