you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
