Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
