do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
