he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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