We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
