Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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