i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
