Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
