Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
