I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
