So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
