i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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