my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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