covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
