I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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