ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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