Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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