I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
