Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
