sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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