He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
