I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
