Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
