Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
