I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
