don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
