Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That accounts for only three of the penises
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
