they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize