hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
