well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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