I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
