brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
