no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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