Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
