I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
