I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
