shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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