I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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