my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All the doctor said was why
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
