She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
