she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
