Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
