a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
