no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize