I must be too annoying 4 u.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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