I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
