I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
