D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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