well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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