I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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