Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
