I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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