Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
