It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
