Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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