and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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