So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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