the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
