We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
