I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
