I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wear drunk well.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize